After last night, I could never be a politician.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
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The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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