i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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