Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
