I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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