Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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