I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
