Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
