the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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