don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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