just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
