Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
