Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
