don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just high enough for therapy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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