i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
