After last night, I could never be a politician.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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