I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
