yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
