I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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