I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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