I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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