I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
