So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
