I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
