But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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