i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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