i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
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All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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