I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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