Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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