I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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