love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
