Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
