Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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