you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
