Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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