Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
