Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
