God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
