If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
