Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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