dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just google imaged poop.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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