i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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