ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
