Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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