You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
