"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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