what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
