Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
