I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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