I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
