I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
