Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
