just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
