now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
