you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
