guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
