I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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