you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
