One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
