It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i would punch a child for taco bell
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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