I will die if light touches me.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
