i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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