I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
