youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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