did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
