I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
